


The marvelous misadventures of a reluctant Mista' Potter and his entourage

by Ideasofmarch



Series: Plot ideas i may or may not expand upon ;) [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Albus Dumbledore Bashing, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, BAMF Harry Potter, Dimension Travel, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Humor, M/M, Not Epilogue Compliant, Sassy Harry Potter, Time Travel, but thats semantics, i dont like that man, its a bit cracky ngl, listen that should be a given for any of my fics by now, no beta we die like men, technically, we all know that epilogue was the most ridiculous thing in the entire series, well really its less travel and more kidnapping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:13:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24037918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ideasofmarch/pseuds/Ideasofmarch
Summary: Harry, all things considered, should have expected this. if only for the fact that every achievement and/or good thing to ever happen to him was continuously overshadowed by a very very bad thing. So really, being kidnapped across dimensions was just par for the course in the life of the infamous boy-who-lived.-0-“Looks like a portal.” Neville pointed out.“To where?”“No clue, travel ones are usually purple, though.”“Wait if the purple ones are travel, what’s blue?” Harry was crouching, the portal barely a foot above his head.Hermione grabbed his shirt, “I haven’t the foggiest, but I’m coming too.”Ron gripped his wrist, “me too.”“What? Guys no –““You’re not going anywhere without me, darling.” Draco put a hand around his waist.“This could be dangerous, guys!”“Oh shut up, Harry.” Neville shook his head as he grabbed Harry’s other arm, “Like we’d let you go anywhere without us.”“You’re all insufferable.”
Relationships: Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Plot ideas i may or may not expand upon ;) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1733980
Comments: 45
Kudos: 236





	The marvelous misadventures of a reluctant Mista' Potter and his entourage

Harry was not drunk.

This is significant because, out of roughly four hundred party goers – most of whom hadn’t even _seen_ an actual battle – a mere five were not sloshed off their arses. Harry, obviously, was one of the unsloshed. Mostly because he’d never really liked alcohol in the first place; but also because some small, nagging part of him – a part he really wanted to brutally murder with a machete – told him that the battle wasn’t quite over yet.

That little part had the rest of him rather miffed, if he was being honest.

Seven hours ago, at half past twelve, Harry had finally, _finally_ killed that deranged bastard who’d chased him around his whole life. It hadn’t been easy, war was never fucking easy. The last six years had been hell.

They’d all had to, for lack of a better word, evolve.

Harry became a war general, Ron a strategist (though we all know he’s always been one at heart), Hermione turned into a spell crafter, a loyal soldier. Neville became a brother in arms, Draco a spy – and a lover.

They were nothing like they used to be.

That’s probably the only reason they’d survived – the only reason they’d _won_. Six horcruxes and a dead – and then alive, but we’re not talking specificities here – Harry later, hundreds of battles and so many dead friends, the bastard was dead – as was most of his following.

And now he was at a party.

A party thrown in his honour.

He really just wanted to go home.

He wanted to go see Teddy, now six years old and honestly more Harry’s son then anything else. He wanted to spend time with his friends – preferably in a _quiet_ room. He wanted to sleep.

What he _didn’t_ want was four hundred very loud drunks celebrating. The cramped, sweating crowd doing nothing but annoy him and set off his bloody battle anxiety.

Everyone else who’d fought in battle was home, resting. But not them, _no_ , Hermione, Ron, Neville, and Harry – oh, and Draco, the super-secret and surprisingly popular double agent – they just _had_ to be here, for appearance sake.

“Harry, mate.” Ron said, equally sober and scowling by his side, “I know this is your party and all, but I _hate_ it.”

“I know what you mean.” Harry curled his lip at a passing drunk, “I just want to take a nap.”

“Tell me about it.” Hermione mumbled.

Draco, who was laying with his head on Harry’s lap, raised a glass of water in a toast.

“I still can’t believe,” Neville said, staring at Draco and Harry in disbelief, “That _you_ were a double agent the whole time.”

“Believe it, Longbottom. And it wasn’t the _whole_ time.”

“Yeah,” Harry ran a hand through Draco’s hair, “He only flipped around fourth year.”

“Seeing Harry face that dragon really woke him up.” Hermione smirked.

“Trust us Nev” Ron patted his leg, “You’re lucky you didn’t know. Didn’t have to watch these idiots pine for two bloody years. longest foreplay _ever_.”

Harry and Draco reached out as one to smack Ron.

“Ow!” he cried, “Don’t hate on me because it’s true!”

“Honestly you two. You _know_ Ron’s right.” Hermione rolled her eyes.

Neville sipped his pumpkin juice, shaking his head ever so slightly, “ _Crazy_.”

“Ayyyy, guys!” Some random stranger shouted.

Instantly, five wands were pointed at his face.

“Aw guys, chill.” He held his hands up in drunken surrender.

“Just,” Harry sighed, “Just move along, please.”

“I _hate_ this party.” Draco frowned, carefully lying back onto his boyfriends lap.

Slowly they each settled back into their seats. That was the fourth time tonight someone had tried – key word tried because they were entirely unsuccessful – to engage them in conversation. Believe it or not that was the least severe reaction yet, the first one resulted in a horribly hexed party goer and at least two injured bystanders – you would think they’d have realised by now it was a bad idea to approach the group – but that’s drunk people for you.

“Harry.” Hermione said.

And Harry was almost on his feet at her panicked tone, “What?”

“Uh, mate.” Ron pointed up above Harry’s head.

He looked up to see a glowing blue light about five feet from the top of his head.

“What the…”

“Uh, babe,” Draco frowned, “it’s growing.”

“That’s definitely not good.” Harry practically picked Draco up – okay there was no practically he all out bridal carried him away from the light. Frowning more when it simply followed them.

“Of _course_ the bloody freaky light is following _you_.” Draco said.

“Hey! You’re literally in my arms – it could be following you.”

“Put me down then,” Draco deadpanned, “Let’s see which one of us it follows.”

Harry frowned but put him down and took a few steps away. Surprise, surprise – the light followed Harry.

“Told you so.” Draco smirked.

Harry pouted.

“Can you two stop being,” Hermione waved a hand between them in a very frustrated manner, “ _you_ , for just a second. At the rate it’s growing that’s going to be touching Harry in about a minute so…”

“What’s going to happen when it does?” Harry said, looking up at the light with a raised eyebrow.

“Looks like a portal.” Neville pointed out.

“To where?”

“No clue, travel ones are usually purple, though.”

“Wait if the purple ones are travel, what’s blue?” Harry was crouching, the portal barely a foot above his head.

Hermione grabbed his shirt, “I haven’t the foggiest, but I’m coming too.”

Ron gripped his wrist, “me too.”

“What? Guys no –“

“You’re not going anywhere without me, darling.” Draco put a hand around his waist.

“This could be dangerous, guys!”

“Oh shut up, Harry.” Neville shook his head as he grabbed Harry’s other arm, “Like we’d let you go anywhere without us.”

“You’re all insufferable.”

And that was the last thing they heard before the light enveloped them all – then it was just… just static.

-0-

“The spell was just supposed to bring us _one_.”

“Well, sor _ry_. It’s not like I specialise in ancient dimension magic.”

“I told you all we should have done more research.”

“don’t you start –“

“Shit! That one looks like a Malfoy.”

“The red head’s definitely a Weasley – never seen that colour red on anyone else.”

“If he’s a Weasley then the one in the middles a Potter, that hair is pure Potter.”

“Does anyone recognise the girl?”

“You do realise all we can see is their hair and arms.”

“Oh fuck of, Snape.”

“Shit, Pads, one of them’s waking up.”

Harry groaned.

“Should we help him up or…?”

His eyes shot open, hand going for his wand which was, thankfully, still attached to his leg. He angled it up at the large group of people, trying to look as threatening as possible from underneath a pile of his still unconscious friends.

“What’s going on?” He asked, “Who are you people?”

“Hey, mate.” A man said, stepping forward with his arms in front of him, “We aren’t going to hurt you.”

But Harry wasn’t listening, his wand hand drooped and his jaw dropped, mouth trying to form words that didn’t exist. He blinked, taking in the warm brown eyes and the messy hair – hair that was _just like his_.

“Look what you’ve done, Prongs. You broke him.” James potter turned to scowl at the speaker, Harry chocked.

“ _Sirius_?”

Sirius looked at him with a tilted head, “You know me? Us?”

“I – ” Harry shut his mouth and nodded once.

Sirius looked like he wanted to ask another question but just then everyone else seemed to wake up.

“Harry.” Ron mumbled, “I’m gonna fucking kill you.”

Harry let go of his confusion for a moment to glare at his best friend, “You’re the one who wouldn’t let go of me, this is your fault.”

“I’m with Ron.” Draco said from behind him.

“I have never felt so betrayed in my _life_.” Harry deadpanned.

“What’s going on?” Hermione sat up and rubbed her temple.

“No clue,” Harry frowned, “But uh, we have company.”

Hermione looked to her right and nearly jumped three feet into the air, “Sirius!”

“Why is everyone so surprised to see me?” The man threw his hands into the air.

“Because you’re supposed to be dead.” Harry said quietly.

“What?” Sirius said.

“Are we dead too?” Ron asked.

“Nobody is dead.” A voice said.

“Well if you’re here we definitely are.” Hermione mumbled as Albus Dumbledore stepped forward.

“Ah, so you know of the order of the phoenix, then?”

“We know of it, yes.” Harry said carefully.

“Well, I suppose you all want explanations.” Albus’s eyes twinkled, “We should go up to my office then.”

Neville, who hadn’t said a word since they woke up, gasped, “This is a different dimension, isn’t it?”

“Why, that’s quite correct, young man.”

“Up you get then, you lot.” Neville sighed when none of them moved, “I, for one, want to know why we’re here.”

“Yeah, yeah, Nev.” Harry waved a hand at his friend, “We’re coming.”

They got up slowly, groaning and gritting their teeth at the killer headache’s they were all sporting. Draco and Ron sat right back down after a second or two of standing. Harry and Hermione shared an eyeroll before moving to pick up their respective boyfriends.

“You know, ‘Mione.” Ron said as Hermione effortlessly hefted him into her arms, “you’re scary strong.”

“Stop complaining, Ronald.” Draco shouted over Harry’s shoulder, “Or they’ll put us down.”

Neville giggled at Harry and Hermione’s near identical looks of resignation.

“And this is why we don’t bring boyfriends on interdimensional adventures.” He said cheekily.

“Oi!” Ron and Draco said at the same time, and then proceeded to look horrified.

The order of the phoenix followed behind the five, looking equal parts amused, fascinated, and confused, as they trekked through the Hogwarts halls, two of them carrying their partners, like it wasn’t a giant maze. Soon enough they all reached the headmasters office and they stepped aside to allow Dumbledore to speak the password.

“Lemon drops.” Albus said, looking rather annoyed at not being able to lead the newcomers.

The office, while big, was rather cramped with nearly twenty people squished inside.

“So,” Draco said from Harry’s lap – and he was sat there solely because there was no where else to sit, that’s the only reason, “What the fuck’s going on?”

“Show some respect, _boy_!” A gruff voice, moody, shouted.

Draco sniffed, “No.”

“Draco, love. Stop antagonizing them.” Harry mumbled into his hair.

“They teleported us across dimensions – they deserve a bit of snark.”

Harry just sighed and looked up, “He’s right. Why are we here?”

“Well, the spell was only supposed to bring us the one who defeated Voldemort – unless you did it together…?”

“So _that’s_ why it was after Harry.” Ron said.

Albus looked at Harry, “So you’re the one who defeated him?”

“I am.” He said stiffly, “Now why are we here?”

“Well, my boy, we-“

“ _Don’t_ ,” Harry said through gritted teeth, “Do not call me _that_. My name is Harry, use it.”

“Ah, sorry then, Harry.” Albus’s eyes lost some twinkliness, “But our world faces the same issue as yours, and we fear we could not win without outside help.”

Hermione frowned at the grave tone, “You summoned us here to fight your battles for you?”

“in a sense, yes.” Albus nodded sagely, seemingly not hearing how incredulous Hermione sounded.

“Why?” Harry asked.

“I –“ Albus blinked, “I beg your pardon?”

“Why did you summon us – _me_? We fought our own war without resorting to stealing another worlds hero.”

“My b – Harry, the fight has been very difficult.” He said delicately.

“ _And_?” Ron said, crossing his arms and raising one eyebrow in a very Malfoy like manner.

“We are losing very badly, and we thought this was our last hope.”

“Did any of you spare a thought to the person you were supposedly summoning?” Draco said softly.

“What?” Albus blinked again.

“Did you even _think_ of the fact that you were practically _kidnapping_ someone? Did you think about all the people they’d leave behind? What if we hadn’t been near Harry – huh? He would be here all alone and we’d be left grieving him. “

“We – we hadn’t thought of that.” Albus said weakly.

“Clearly,” Hermione scowled.

“Oh shit.” Harry said, horror casting over his features, “ _Teddy_.”

“What –?”

“You _bastards_!” Harry snarled, held in place only by the fact the Draco was on his lap and would be very angry should he find himself dropped onto the floor.

“Watch your tone!” Moody growled again, “That’s Albus Dumbledore you’re speaking to.”

“I don’t bloody care who he fucking is.” Harry spat, then looked Dumbledore right in the eye, “Thanks to you my _son_ is going to think I’m _dead_. You don’t _deserve_ respect, let alone the reverence your little order holds for you.”

“Now I understand you’re upset.” Dumbledore tried to placate, “But we did it for the greater good.”

Harry scoffed, “Now I remember why I was glad you died at the _start_ of the war.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” James spoke up, sounding as offended as one could.

And Harry turned to his father and considered him for a moment. “Because if he’d survived we probably would’ve been cajoled into something as stupid as summoning a hero ourselves.”

“I understand your… dislike of my actions, but our world still requires your assistance.”

“Absolutely not.” Draco said.

Harry nodded, “You think you can just steal us away from our home and then ask for our help? What? Did you expect us to be grateful? Happy?”

“Well we certainly didn’t expect this arrogance.” Snape said disdainfully from the corner of the room.

“Shut up, Snape.” Harry, Hermione, and Ron said at the same time.

Snape blinked.

Draco hit Harry on the chest, “Don’t be so mean to him.”

“ _Me_. He literally just insulted _all_ of us.”

“ _Harry_.”

“Come on –“

“Apologise.”

“But Draco –“

“Harry.”

Harry sighed, “Sorry, Snape.” He muttered.

“Ha!” Ron cheered, “That’s what you get for dating a Slytherin.”

“Shut up, Ron.” Harry grumbled.

“I don’t _have_ to shut up because _my_ girlfriend _agrees_ with me.” Ron and Hermione high fived.

“See what you’ve done,” Harry said to Draco, “Now they’re gonna be all smug.”

“Um, if we can get back to the discussion,” Five eyes turned to glare at Dumbledore, who gulped.

“Sure,” Hermione smiled, “We’re not doing it, send us home.”

“I’m afraid we can’t do that.”

“What? Why not?”

“It’s a one way spell, children.”

“Oh, fuck you all.” Harry scowled. “And we’re twenty two.”

Moody looked like he wanted to say something again, but thankfully seemed to realize that they didn’t give a fuck what he thought and shut his mouth.

“Let me get this straight,” Draco frowned, “You brought us here with no plan to return us home.”

Dumbledore and the rest nodded hesitantly.

“Great,” Neville said, “That’s just great, wonderful news, really.”

“Can we at least have your names now?” Dumbledore sighed.

They all looked to Harry, who sighed and nodded, “Might as well, if we’re stuck here for the indefinite future. I’m Harry, Harry Potter.”

Gasps sounded around the room.

“Hermione Granger.”

“Ron Weasley.”

“Neville Longbottom.”

“Draco Malfoy.”

The room eyed Draco warily, no doubt because of his last name, the dimension traveling group all subconsciously inched forward to shield Draco from their gaze. Harry tightened his grip on him and glared at any suspicious on lookers.

“Hold on a minute.” Sirius said, “ _You’re_ Harry Potter? As in, James and Lily’s son? _My_ Godson?”

“Yep.”

“Huh.” Sirius said, nodding to himself before sitting on the floor, “huh.”

Harry raised an eyebrow at Dumbledore, who sighed.

“Sixteen years ago Harry James Potter was murdered.” He paused, eyes flicking to Neville, “Along with Neville Longbottom.”

‘Wait.” Neville blinked, “That means…”

Harry gasped, filling in when Neville chocked, “Your parents.”

“Alice and Frank Longbottom are alive and well, I can inform them of your… appearance.” Dumbledore said, “If you wish it.”

“I...” Neville nodded, “yes.”

Hermione coughed after a beat of silence, “Just to be clear: Did you actually search for a way to send us home?”

“Um, No.” James said in a small voice.

“Wonderful,” Her tone made it very clear that it was not, in fact, wonderful, “So not only are you cowards who can’t fight your own battles, you’re also inconsiderate. If you’d at least _tried_ to find a way home for us and only summoned us as a last resort, that I’d _maybe_ understand. But you’re all still standing, aren’t you?”

Ron side-eyed them all from behind her, all good-humour lost from his tone, “We won the war with less than a quarter of your number. You should be ashamed of yourselves.”

“You’re right.” A voice said from the back.

Harry turned and felt every muscle in his body seize up. Because standing there, right next to Sirius, was Lily Potter. The women who, in another life, had sacrificed herself for her child. And now she was right in front of him looking remorseful and guilty and shaking like a damn leaf.

He could practically feel his fury draining out of him.

“And we – _I_ am sorry. We shouldn’t have done this, we should have fought harder, tried harder to find you a return option before we pulled you here. I’m _sorry_. But it’s done. You’re here now. _Please_ help us.”

“Why should we?” Harry heard himself asking _. Please, give me a reason to._

Lily gulped, “We – your father and I. You have siblings here, Harry.” She looked at Neville, “You too, Neville. And Ron I’m sure you have your siblings back home but you – all of you, have family here.”

“I’m sure we have family in thousands of other universes too. We all had family back home.” Harry protested, but it was only a token, he was already swayed.

“But you’re _here_. Now. And you can help.”

Harry looked down, which had the added effect of burying his face in Draco’s hair. He squeezed Draco’s palm and felt him nodding against his cheek.

“If we do this.” Draco said, voice grave, “If we help you. You find us a way home. I don’t care if you have to dig through every book in the world, if you have to bloody well craft a spell. You will find us a way back, and we’ll help you get rid of the dark lord.”

“Deal.” Dumbledore said.

And with that it seamed the meeting was adjourned. Everyone started moving, milling around and saying goodbye before one by one making their way down the spiralled staircase. Even Dumbledore walked out, leaving the five friends alone in the room with Lily, James, and Sirius.

Lily stepped forward as the last person exited the room. Harry stood frozen until a pointed shove from his boyfriend had him tumbling into his mother’s arms.

And oh.

_Oh_.

Harry clutched at her like a lifeline, he suddenly felt like both far too old and incredibly young all at once. He was vaguely aware of two more sets of arms wrapping around him, presumably from his father and his godfather.

“ _Harry_.” His dad said, pulling pack so he could look his son in the eye. “We missed you kid.”

Harry let out a wet laugh, “Yeah,” he sniffled, “Yeah I missed you guys too.”

“And you’re just a chip off the old block, aren’t you?” Sirius grinned, “The _sass_ on you, prongslet. I couldn’t be more proud.”

“Thanks.” His voice was raspy as he said it. “I try.”

Lily suddenly started smirking, “Do you want to introduce us to your boyfriend? Properly, this time.”

Harry was very proud of the fact that he managed to tamp down a blush, “Um.”

Draco rolled his eyes and stepped forward, “Draco Malfoy, pleasure to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine.” Lily said.

“Really, son?” James groaned, “A _Malfoy_.”

It was easy to ignore his embarrassment and level his father with a menacing glare. James had his hands up in surrender in seconds.

Sirius whistled, “Merlin, James. Your son is scary when he wants to be.”

A wide-eyed James nodded at him.

Harry frowned, “Don’t insult Draco and I won’t be so scary.”

Draco, tucked into Harrys side, smiled sweetly at them.

“Really,” Ron said from behind them, “The only person allowed to insult Draco is Harry.”

Hermione rolled her eyes, “Overprotective boyfriend.”

“Hey,” Harry defended, “He was in serious danger every day for six years. I’m allowed to be a bit protective.”

“Babe, I was dating _you_.” Draco patted his chest, “No one puts themselves in as much danger as you do.”

“And your just as protective over me.” Harry countered back.

“Some would call that co-decency.” Hermione added.

Ron snorted, “’Mione, I have never seen another couple more co-dependant than these two idiots. –“

“ _Hey_!”

“But they love each other and I don’t think it’s actively bad for them, so they’re fine.”

Harry and Draco continued to give Ron a death glare but, unfortunately, it was completely ineffective on him. He’d been there when they were still figuring out how to be intimidating and, as such, he was immune to all their tricks.

“Not to interrupt,” They all turned to face Lily, “But it is getting late and – well. You’re all welcome to stay at Potter Manor while you’re here. Neville, we can floo your parents from there. If you like?”

“I-“ Neville swallowed, “Yes I would like that.”

“Quick question.” Hermione said, one hand hesitantly stuck up in the air, “How many other Potters are there and are they anything like this one?” She pointed at Harry with her thumb.

Harry made an offended scoff.

“I’m sorry, but _why_ are we all insulting me today? I saved the world, like, this morning? What gives?”

Ron snorted, “Doesn’t count mate, ol’ voldys still kicking here.”

“Ron, from the bottom of my heart, fuck you.”

Lily laughed, “There’s three others, you’ve got two sisters and a brother. God, they’re all _just_ like you.”

“Oh bother.” Hermione sighed, “Do they have the saving people thing too?”

“ _yes_! Merlin’s pants do you know how hard it is to stop them from fighting for everyone’s honour.”

Hermione and Lily shared a look of long suffering, “I thought it was a Harry thing.” She shook her head.

“Right.” Harry said, “Can we please make fun of someone else now?”

“But babe, you make it so easy.” Draco leaned in to kiss him on the cheek, then laughed when Harry shoved him away.

Harry looked at his parents, “Can we please go now.”

“Sure.” James said.

-0-

“DAD!”

That shout was their only warning before the entire group was bombarded by three people who looked like altered versions of Harry. It took a moment for the kids to register that there were more people in the reception area then there should be, but they went silent as they took it in.

“Dad?” One of the girls, who couldn’t be more than twelve, asked hesitantly. “Who’re they?”

“Well, Bella. Remember how we said we might be getting a visitor soon?” James waited until all three of them nodded before continuing, “Well he brought some company.”

“Why does that one look like me?” The boy said, Harry blinked at him unsure of how to explain it.

“He’s your dead brother.” James said, and then got promptly smacked upside the head by Lily. “Ow! What’d I do?!”

“That was the _worst_ possible way to explain it, James.”

“Sorry, jeez. Okay, He’s your dead brother whom we kidnapped from another dimension to help us defeat the dark lor – _ow_!”

Harry turned to Draco, “you know, it was a little blunt but I literally cannot think of another way to explain it.”

“Love, it’s now very clear where you get your charm from.” Which was very nice of Draco to say, except he’d said it with a tone that clearly implied it very much _wasn’t._

“Harry?” The oldest girl said.

For lack of a better thing to say, he replied with: “That’s me.”

And jazz hands. Merlin help him, who the hell let him lead a war? Hermione, who looked like she was thinking the exact same thing, slammed her palm onto her forehead.

“Harry,” Lily said, “These are your siblings: Dorea, she’s fifteen. Isabella, who’s just turned twelve. And Isaac, he’s nine.”

“Fifteen… that would mean…” Harry whispered, mostly to himself.

“Yes, I was pregnant the night you – the night – when you.” Lily took a breath and shook her head.

“Oh.” He said, then he looked at his siblings – _he had siblings_! – and smiled, “Hi guys, nice to meet you.”


End file.
